OF HIGHS and HEL-LOWS.

Now Playing: Shake It Out by Florence + The Machine
Mood: Trying to take deep, steady breaths

Self-care is never selfish. Take a breather, if you must.
Pamper your skin. Nourish your soul with kind & gentle words.
Calm down that restless heart, and live in the moment;
Make each ticking second a time well-spent.

It has been a while since I last sat down and actually spent time with these thoughts that have been swimming in my head. The way of the world has certainly changed since the COVID-19 pandemic came to be. It has brought about an overwhelming mix of emotions as people dive into this so-called new normal way of life. 

It still surprises me how it’s already been 4 months since being placed under community quarantine. It is a big adjustment everyone has to deal with, and personally, for someone like me who is used to spending a lot of my free time at home, spending even more time at home is still something I find myself getting used to during the first 2 months. 

Another thing that I’ve been trying to ease myself into lately is transitioning from being a full-time, regular 8-5 worker to becoming a full-time freelancer. To be honest, it’s liberating and exciting because it gives me the chance to finally chase what I’ve wanted to do for so long as a creative, yet at the same time, it’s terrifying because timing is…well, a bitch. 

Being vulnerable to feelings of uncertainty during these trying times may actually hit 10 times stronger. It kind of feels like I’m on Crash Bandicoot wherein I’ve just begun level 1, then I’ve been suddenly thrown to a challenge level where I need to defeat Dr. Neo Cortex.

Personally, I’ve had my fair share of highs and lows during these past few months. Some days, I feel like I’m on top of the world, brimming with newfound hope and inspiration; but there are the inevitable instances when my thoughts are clouded by anxieties and doubts, wherein I constantly question my worth and capabilities.

Dealing with a world crisis and a personal crisis at the same time isn’t exactly the best kind of package deal out there; nonetheless, we still do our best to survive and keep going. We’re all facing each of our own battles, and it is during these moments that we have to be more empathic and kind, not only to others but also to ourselves. 

I mean if the year 2020 isn’t already kind to us,  can’t we at least be kind to ourselves and to one another instead? And if I didn’t make this any clearer: especially to ourselves first. 

Personally, it’s something I’ve taken for granted for a very long time; and right now, after everything that’s happened in between my highs and lows, I just want to fill up my own tank first before pouring out myself for others.

And to you who is reading this (if you’ve reached this far), I hope you can do the same for yourself if you ever find yourself in a similar situation. 

Take care. 💖

P.S.

To the friends who have patiently become my sounding board: Thanks for the reminder and for knocking some sense into me.

To the people I never expected to have conversations with: Your unexpected, heartwarming messages truly mean a lot, and I hope this can be the start of a beautiful friendship!

To myself: You deserve a pat on the back for writing this piece from the heart, and I hope you keep doing so.

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